Why do I have this feeling of dissatisfaction?

I was getting the opportunity to stay home with my precious baby girl Audrey. I was “bored” and longed to go back to teaching. I told my husband that I didn’t want to be a stay home mom.

It wasn’t “my thing”.

Now that I have been home for 2 weeks enjoying my time off from teaching. I don’t want to go back. I want to stay and enjoy being a momma to a sweet (almost 6 month old) baby. {Who is growing too quickly by the way.}

This happens all the time.

I make a decision and then regret it and wonder, “What If…”

I am always wanting to change the decisions I’ve made, after I make them of course. (Not about anything drastic like marrying my sweet husband or having my sweet children.)

I just started reading What Women Fear by Angie Smith. I’m only in chapter 2 but so far the book is astounding. It is really opening my eyes to things about myself.

For example, I’m awful about taking matters into my own hands. I’m a lot like Abraham’s wife, Sarah.

“Apparently God’s plan wasn’t materializing the way Sarah had expected it would, so she took matters into her own hands.It’s what we do when we fear, isn’t it? We grab a hold of it and shake our will into the corners that don’t make sense.” (Smith, pg.15)

I thought I had no fears when I started Angie’s book. Boy was I wrong. I am full of the fear of the “what if…”. And, seeing how I’m only in chapter 2 I’m sure I will find more fears. If you have not heard of this book. Go get it. It’s great so far.

I pray that I will be better at submitting to his authority and leadership. I pray that I will not let the “what ifs” or regrets of life bring me down. Do you have the fear of the “what ifs”?

Philippians 3:13-15

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.




  1. Wow, I have a lot of fears that I try to ignore and don't always think about. LIKE FAILURE.

    Sounds like a great book. I noticed that you followed my blog and thought I would return the favor.

    It is hard to stick with decisions. I'm the most indecisive person I know. I never know what I really want. Decisions can be really hard.

    I hope your first week back to school will be wonderful!!!

  2. PS. I just noticed that in your profile you misspelled Fourth!!! {this is hilarious coming from me because I am the WORST speller in the world}. So now you get to fix it before anybody else notices. And you can delete this comment too and nobody will ever know. ;)